A Stroll Down Memory Lane

So... I have a ton of videos and pictures on my computer that I wanted to post. It was so much fun going through these old pictures. The oldest can't be more than four years old but I feel like I have gone through a lot of different phases since then. You judge. They aren't in chronological order or anything. I guess these pictures are a lot more fun for me to look at because I know the story behind all of them. Great times...great times!


The only true love of my life. Bentley Tyson Jackson III.


The day I bought Bentley.

Around my 21st birthday.

May 2006

August 2004?
Summer 2006
Summer 2006
Aug 2004
March 2006
Me & Marissa

Zac & I in a limo from San Marcos to Austin a few weeks before I moved to Utah
River trip. Being dorks and taking the most unattractive pictures we could think of.
Kevin!!
A little cooking party.
My First & Probably last experience with Karaoke.
Last Fall. @ Jade's house for a fondue party.
Martiza's 22nd birthday.
Travis & I days before I moved up here.

When my old best friend Matthias came to visit me. November 2005.
The famous, " It looks like you just got pulled over" picture.
My best friend Candice Marie -Christmas 2005
Iris and I at Chili's in 2004
A few weeks after moving to Utah. My first official Utah Utes T-shirt!
Day 1 of being in Utah. In my dorm room.
All Academy Military Ball

The following four videos are from when I lived in Texas City. One of them is of my baby Bentley Tyson Jackson III, the sweetest purebred pitbull you ever did see and then three of them are of a very weird night with the girl I have been friends with the longest, Amy. I love her and I don't care what our ages are we will always act so immature and silly when we are together!

Old Blue

Well, I obviously have been doing a horrible job at updating everyday but in my defense....it's not my fault!hahaha. I have been so busy lately and I have hardly been home! Today after church I came home and crashed for several hours. I have felt so sleep deprived my brain felt like it was going to explode. I really got absolutely NOTHING done this weekend which is a horrible thing because I had a million things to do!! :( I hope I don't get too behind.

So... I have some bad news.

Old Blue is getting just as tired and sleepy as me. The other night I went on a late night grocery run with her on my way home from a friend's house. I ran in to get some soy milk (an essential) and five minutes later I was back outside. She just wouldn't wake up. I poked her and shook her and demanded that she wake up this very instant but she was out cold. Poor girl. A five minute nap turned into a 12 hour nap. I left her at the grocery store and decided she deserved a good nap. I called some friends to come get me and managed to get to work somehow the next day.

Kens came and got me from work and I went to go wake Old Blue up. She woke up but I decided to take her to the Dr. The Dr. said she had a sleeping disorder and that he was going to have to give her some medicine so that she will always wake up when I ask her to. I am glad she is getting some attention but sad that it is going to cost so much. My medical insurance just charges a copay and I was wondering why it couldn't be used this time. I would much rather pay $25 instead of $500+. Oh well.... I think she may have to go to a family that lives on a farm and has a huge yard for her to play in soon. She has been very good to me for the past ten or so years and I her. I change her oil EVERY 3,000 miles or 3 months depending on which comes first. I have NEVER let her run out of gas. I did scrape her on the side of the garage just a few months ago but other than the time that tricky concrete block of a sidewalk came out of nowhere when I was 17 I have never scraped or dented her. I mean I know I have let her been going with only 3 shoes for the past two years or so and when her inside light came off I never replaced it. Sometimes she gets tempermental with the rear doors and doesn't always open them and about a year ago her knobs to roll down the windows came off but that is just old age. I still love her. She always jams out with me and she met TONS of cute boys in my early years. Granted, she hasn't met one in quite some time but really, I have dated guys that have cars the past few years. (The joys of being out of high school) I even took her with me to Vegas just a few months ago and she has been there for me all the times I have cried while with her. I really hate to see her go...

shh....don't tell her but the thought of a new blue(black) (as opposed to old blue) really excites me! However, I would feel like I am cheating on her. I have never been with another blue, or any color really (besides my one year stint with that honda civic hatchback...but that was before I knew her!). She has been my main squeeze and I feel I should be loyal to her. I really don't know what to do. She will definitely be with me for the next few months but I don't know what to do after that. The thought of not having her in my life is sad. She is far from the prettiest blue on the block but she has a great personality!

One thing is for certain. It will be a great reunion tomorrow when I pick her up from the Dr's office. I might bring her flowers and I hope she is ready for some lovin!

And Another one Bites The Dust

So... I am doing this veggie thing all by myself now. Bethany are you still doing it? My brother dropped out yesterday. What a wimp. I am still going strong.

I feel so alone sometimes. In more ways than one.

Happy Birthday!

I was born on Veterans Day
I'm not a veteran, is that OK?

...(something something something-I don't remember). and cake
all these veterans do we forsake.

...(more stuff I don't remember)

I was born on Veterans Day.
I'm not a veteran. I think that's OK.
- Jade Ozawa

Her 21st birthday last year. @ Ken's house.

Today is my best friend Jade's birthday! She is spending it in Taiwan doing missionary work. I wish I was there to sing her happy birthday and make her a cake and lay in bed listening to music and watching random movies. I miss her terribly. Everytime I have a bad day or need boy advice I wish she were here. She would tell me the most perfect story and give me the weirdest advice. I probably wouldn't take it but at least she would know what is going on. She has been gone for ten months now and it seems like seventeen years. Not being able to call her is horrible! I can't wait till she gets back! Only eight more months to go!


@ our joint birthday party. November '07.

Do You Ever Think, When Your All Alone...Where This Thing Could Lead

Tonight was such a blast! I got asked to go on a group date to a hockey game. I had never been to a hockey game before. Before we went to the game we went to Pat's BAR-B-QUE!! Ugh.... ribs, brisket, chicken, and meat galore surrounded me and sent my olfactory nerves racing. I however ate red beans and rice with a side of cornbread. Well...red beans and rice were a side dish but it surprisingly filled me up. I was so proud of myself for not caving and my date didn't even judge me. He was glad I wasn't breaking this silly promise I have to myself to not eat meat until Thanksgiving.

(Side note....did you hear that Hugh Hefner is now on the market again!??! Remember that dream I had back in April/May? Yeah... weird.)

Anyway.... we went to the game where I fit in like a natural. Let's face it, I can be more obnoxious than anyone there and trash talk with the best of them. It just comes naturally I guess you don't even have to really know about the sport.

After the game we decided to go to this gilatto place my friend Andrew loves. I have been here serveral times with him but this one was the best. I shared some gilatto with a cute boy and the 8 of us were really the only ones in the place. It closes at eleven and closing time was quickly approaching. About ten minutes to I see two girls and a guy walk in. I looked at them but didn't really think anything of it until someone recognized him. Sure enough I recognized his voice. He and his friends ordered and then talked to the ladies behind the counter for quite some time. Finally after about 15 minutes we wanted to leave but I decided to get a picture first. What a cute little adorbale kid he is. I felt bad disturbing him and he seemed very uneasy still about people wanting pictures with him. I am not the star struck person but I NEEDED it to post on here. I mean... after that crazy dream I needed to post this picture. I have seen much bigger celebrities and never been phased and I wasn't this time either. I just felt silly asking for a picture. Here you go.




Me.... and David Archuleta.

It wouldn't let me post the video here. Embedding was diabled but here is a link.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yff9nCctMkg



(This was not the best part of my night though. Just a fun part.)

Seperation Between Church & State

By now we should all know I am a centrist. I like to listen to both sides. I hardly ever use the words always or never. I try to be rational in thinking and I love to hear both sides of the story. I love to be swayed by the best argument. That being said there is a lot of talk about proposition 8 lately. I live in a state that is 62%* LDS. So...statistically that means I am in a state that is 31% active "Mormons" and probably 85% at one time or another in their life "was/is mormon." I am one of them. I hardly ever blog about the fact that this is my denomination of choice. I feel it is so unimportant to my decisions in life. It is definitely a factor but I belong to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints because they fit in line with what I believe, not the other way around. I have agency, I choose to live my life, and I choose to belong to that church. No one at any point in my life has ever MADE me be a certain way. Not my parents and least of all my church. If you would like to dispute this fact please take it up with John & Mirtia. They would be MORE than willing to attest to my stuborness and that I have always done what I wanted and voiced my opinion whether it got me in trouble or not. They were some pretty strict parents and I never let that stop me from saying what I wanted. Thankfully they allowed my free speech. I got in trouble but at least I was allowed to say what I wanted.Needless to say, I got in trouble A LOT. OK that is a long disclaimer. Here is what I want to talk about.

I really feel for you people who voted to redefine marriage. I try to be understanding of all people and I understand they want to be married. I could have a post in and of itself on "marriage." What is a piece of paper? Marriage is so much more than that. It is a committment. I suppose however, if someone told me I couldn't get married one day I might be really sad. Today I could care less because I have no desire to get married. I ran away from it once and I might be running for a long time but I digress. I do understand that people want to be validated and they want people to recognize their union. Freak, when my sisters got married at 19 that was in thier eyes a reason to be respected. Supposedly they knew more and I had to listen to them becuase " I am married!!" Well shoot...any 16 year old with permission can get married. I don't feel like you are special. But now... there are people who love each other and want to get married and can't because they are of the same gender. I understand that.

But where does the seperation of church and state come into play. I know church's can't control the government but its members are citizens of the nation and THEY DO control the government. Where do you draw the line and say hey, I morally believe one thing but I am going to vote for something else because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings? I want them to feel validated in their love.

One argument I am hearing is that it is similar to the civil right's movement. Word on the web is that there are a lot of African Americans or furthermore, just black Americans that feel put off by this comparision. Back in the day people with black skin were being persecuted by the color of their skin, not on their choices or their being, but on something they had no control over. I am not homosexual so I don't know how it goes. The only thing I could write would be speculation. I assume however that to an extent people have agency about their sexuality. If you have agency then I believe sexuality to be a behavior and not comparable to the civil rights. In fact, I had no clue that they kept track of your race and voting but 7 out of 10 black people in the state of California voted to keep the definition of marriage between a man and a woman. The same state that had the highest turnout for Mr. Obama voted to keep marriage the way it is.

I am grateful I am not a resident of the State of California. I realize that sooner or later (probably sooner) all states will probably have to vote on something like this and that it will be my turn. I didn't vote and I don't know for sure how I would vote but I have a sneaky suspicion. But, at what point do I have to give up my beliefs? Is that not the brilliancy of the democratic process? Is that not why voting was created? Is that not why we have secret ballots and we dont' walk around with t-shirts that are printed after we leave the booth showing exactly who and what we voted for? I roll with the punches and if it had passed I can honestly say it would not have changed my life in the least. I don't think anyway. I still would have been able to get married and life would continue to go on and the Earth would continue to revolve. However, when you bring it up to be voted on people get to choose. They chose. I don't see why a big deal is being made because not everyone thinks the same and they voted to reject the redefining of marriage.

I believe in diety. I believe that we have a creator, that we existed before we came to this earth and that we will continue to exist long after. To quote The Postal Service in their song "Such Great Heights" (check out the cover by Iron & Wine)

I am thinking it's a sign That the freckles in our eyes
Are mirror images and when we kiss
They're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate
That God himself did make us
Into corresponding shapes
Like puzzle pieces from the clay

I do believe we were created this way and I don't think it is coinsidence that the human body happens to be this perfectly functionaly amazing machine type body. I think the power of procreation is a miracle. The way the male and female body were made to procreate seems so amazing and awesome to me. I know you can hardly ever make a blanket statement and be right but for the most part I find it amazing how men and women are inherently different. While it is true that there are men out there who are compassionate and nuturing and women out there who are ...not, for the most part it isn't just a way we were taught, it is the way we ARE. I don't believe it is nurture. I believe by nature women and men are different and together make a really neat pair.

Because I believe this I don't believe we were intended to spend our lives with someone of the opposite sex. If we were I would think we would have been created to procreate by ourselves, or with anyone. I wasn't asked to vote on this and no one asked my opinion but I am trying to form it so I am prepared when someone does.

Please don't get me wrong. When I lived in Texas I worked with a group of girls that I became to absolutely adore. They were so much fun to be around and they were really spunky. They definitely weren't the type of people I was used to hanging around but I just assumed they had been nerds in school. I soon discovered they were all homosexual or bisexual. To this day they are still some of my most favorite people and we keep in touch. They absolutely adore me and I them. When I go home for visits they make sure to all get together again and we go to starbucks and they get their fancy coffee and I get a hot chocolate and we talk about dating and life and the stresses of work. I don't judge them. Thankfully they don't judge ME for being straight! HaHa. We have had discussions and they know I don't agree with it but that it doesn't change how I feel about them at all. Like I said, I don't personally have to deal with this so all I can say would be speculation. If you ask me to vote, at what point do I vote for what I believe in and at what point do I give up my rights to voice my opinion so that people's feelings don't get hurt. This isn't me being arrogant. It really is a confusing question to me.

What I find to be dissapointing is that people who voted to keep marriage the way it is are being accused of trying to take away civil rights. At what point do you realize that maybe the whole world isn't evil and realize, hey, maybe they were just standing up for what they believe in. At what point do you think hey, they believe marriage is between a man and a woman. California, you asked them to vote and they did. Please don't complain because they didn't vote the way you wanted them to. For better or for worse the democratic process took place.

What I would love is for those of you who have an interest or an opposing view to post your own blog about this. If you want to leave a comment please do, but I would honestly love to read your blogs about how you feel.

Thanks for reading mine.

Displaced Anger?

You know when you hear about the proverbial man who had a bad day at work then goes home and kicks his cat? Well... it is a classic example of displaced anger. You are mad at one person and you take it out on someone/something else. I really think that is silly. If you are upset about something then take it out on the correct person. I know it isn't always easy or black and white but this is my blog and so I want to blog about something that is bothering me right now, mostly because I can't wrap my head around it.

Recently the State of California and it's citizens voted to keep the definition of marriage traditional...being only being between a man and a woman, in a nutshell. I mean I think unless you have been hiding in a cave for the past little while I am sure you know more about prop 8 than I do. Here is where I would like to voice my confusion and those of you that can answer what I am about to ask please feel free to explain. I am not asking your opinion on prop 8 JUST YET but I would like an answer to this displaced anger... hopefully I will have a well formed thought about prop 8 later tonight or tomorrow but for right now here is my question, or at least an intro to it.

Yesterday thousands of protesters rallied outside of The Church of Jesus Christs of Latter Day Saints' Los Angelos Temple. I mean, I thought it kind of made sense. They were upset and frustrated and most church goers voted to keep the definition of marriage the way it is. I mean I thought it was silly to just protest that temple and not other places of other denomination's worship (maybe they did I just know it made the news about that one place)but from what I hear this particular church has donated about 75% of the funds that the prop 8 campaign had. So... OK they made a few of the members of that faith know they disapproved of the leadership of that church's donation to the campaign and encouragement that congregation members themselves donate to the campaign, OK great.... what are they supposed to do about it? Should they really be harassed for where they did or did not choose to put their money or how they voted? AND...it got picked up by local and national news so... people know about it. But the only people that were really inconvenienced by it were people that went to go worship at that temple that night I suppose.

So... they decided it was not enough. Protesters decided to meet downtown Salt Lake City today and protest OUTSIDE TEMPLE SQUARE AT SIX PM. Here is my thinking.

Wait. ........What????

I know I voted. I knowI voted on several things, there was the Gov. , a few city officials, some judges I wasn't too knowledgeable about...proposition to renew the zoo, proposition to give money to the Tracy Aviary, I don't remember proposition 8 being on there. I am a resident of Salt Lake County and Salt Lake City where Temple Square is. I live in Utah. I don't remember voting on the definition of marriage. OK...now that I have that clarified. OK....

The Church Headquarters are indeed just east of Temple Square...but... I mean... technically that part of main street is closed off so I guess it is ON Temple Square, but not the part they were protesting. OK. So... 6pm on a Friday night... most people that work in that headquarters office are probably long gone...but protesters aren't right outside there. No...they are protesting the temple. So what this seems to me is that there is a group of people yelling at and being mean to and voicing their opinion to.... LDS people and visitors trying to enjoy their evening on temple square....who had nothing to do with the vote whatsoever. I mean there is always an off chance there was a California resident visiting but...really... who even knows for sure. Basically I feel they are kicking the cat. I mean seriously, protesting is great, the first amendment is GREAT....but come back Monday morning at say.... noon. Come back and protest the financial office which I assume has to be in the headquarters...so protest them during the day when it makes more sense. In the meantime, let us Salt Lake Citians be. We personally had nothing to do with that particular election so why is our peace getting disturbed?

Furthermore, it isn't like this particular church rigged the election! All they did was donate money and encourage people to take place in the democratic process and VOTE. Last time I checked Barack Obama's campaign spent loads more money than John McCain. Sometimes you have to spend money to get the word out there. You have to inform people. Look what it did! Should those of you that voted against him all gather together and protest outside of those people that contributed the most money to his campaign? I mean is this not similar? Should you protest because you didn't get your way? I say sure... you are allowed free speech in this country and you can do whatever you want....just protest to the right people man.

Last Time I SWEAR

Now THIS is a post you HAVE to read. This is how I wish all Americans would react. Not only does Shanna have beauty, she's got brains too!! It is such a humble beautifully written blog. Please please PLEASE read it! For those of you that may not get it, Shanna is quoting a statement from the LDS church that goes back over a hundred years. To be more specific it The Articles of Faith. Instead of the word WE she replaced it with the word I because she was raised LDS and this is what she does believe.

Kudos Shan! Kudos!

On a Serious Note

WOWZERS! Be careful. You better duck! Have you seen what is going on? It is full blown war out there on the internet. I have never seen such a massacre of friendships and a blatant disregard for rational thinking. One of the biggest Obama supporters I know told me today that they did not care if everyone was dirt poor under Obama as long as they could learn to find hope in each other. It was an interesting point of view.

All day long today I have been shouting "OBAMA '08" like it has been going out of style! People at my office think I love him. What is funny is that some of YOU think I love/hate him. I am completely indifferent.I guess you don't know me that well after all and maybe shouldn't judge me if you don't know how I am talking through blog and haven't figured out by now that I am the devil's advocate. Just as I stated earlier I would have written a blog about how I hated McCain had he won too (and am kind of saddened because I had some good witty comments)! I don't like either one of them! I take situations as they come and I am pretty positive none of you will ever know who I voted for. Obama? McCain? Nadar? Barr? You never will know will you? (I like to keep people guessing!!! :-D) It doesn't matter WHO I voted for because I honestly didn't want to see any of those people in office but people died and went through persecution and who knows what so that I could have a right to vote. I did. I voted. I walked down there, punched in my vote (for governor, for judges, for propositions....) and not everyone thought the same way I did. Some of the people/things I voted for won and some didn't. That is OK. I did all that I could do. Now is my time to act. Now is my time to show my support for America. If I support America than I will support it's president. He represents me (all ALL Americans. that is what a president does) and he deserves my support.

Now it is time to shut your mouths and quit harassing others. Now is the time to act. Obama is president. Either congrats if you voted for him or get over it if you didn't. If McCain can congratulate Obama and support him you can too. If you didn't vote (which depressingly I know way too many of you that didn't) you can't talk. You had your chance to voice your opinion. You gave it up. You gave up your voice. Now you need to support Obama like a good American citizen. He hasn't even had a chance to do anything yet! How about we give the guy a break and see what he does or does not do for this country? THEN.... then you can trash talk him all you want. Judge him on his merits as PRESIDENT ok? If you don't like him then fine, four years from now we get to go through the whole process again. UGH! I am so tired of this whole election stuff.... but I am grateful for the opportunity to vote.

But honestly? You aren't that awesome that you can take yourself so seriously and trash talk others because they did/didn't vote for Obama. Get over yourself. Learn that you CAN be friends AND disagree( novel idea I know...). If I ended a friendship or even an ACQUAINTANCE because someone thought differently than me I wouldn't have any friends or acquaintances. Isn't is an awesome thing that everyone thinks differently? And for those 9 comments/texts/emails I got from you Obama fans that thought I was serious on my earlier post....realize I was obviously being stupid and completely exaggerating. In other words, I was trying to be funny. Can you NOT take a joke? If you thought I was serious...take a deep breath and ask yourself the last time I was serious on an issue like that on a blog like this. And seriously people? Follow Michelle's example. Leave a comment. I don't need a private message from you in my inbox, not that I don't love you, I just think you need to leave the comments on the blog...not my email address or my phone.

as lincoln said to a nation far more divided than ours,
'we are not enemies, but friends.
though passion may have strained,
it must not break our bonds of affection'...

It is kind of silly I have to justify my own blog. I still love each of you the same though!

We have a new president elect. Face it.

"To those Americans whose support I have yet to earn, I may not have won your vote tonight, but I hear your voices. I need your help, and I will be your president too."

-Barack Obama

My Main Concern

So... I forgot to write this. My main concern about Obama being elected was what the markets were going to do. IF Wallstreet truly backed the President then you would see it reflect first thing this morning. My fear , obviously, is that it would not like the results. Well people.... I give you YOUR President Elect Mr. Obama.... and the Dow already down close to 150 points at 10am EST.

I am TRULY TRULY crossing my fingers for a turn around. Mr. Obama....please help us!

HOLY CRAP

Well. You did it America. You voted a socialist into office. I hope you are happy with yourselves. Honestly, I am happy FOR you because you got your butts out and voted. Now, if most of you would have done your reasearch instead of just voting for, "that handsome black man." Well shoot.... I should have voted for Will Smith guess he is the hottest black guy I know but seriously...what do looks or skin color have to do with anything? I do know actually a FEW of you that did your research and actually love Obama so to those of you... congrats.

I on the other hand have spent all night typing up my resignation. I think it looks wonderful. Why quit you ask? Don't you love your job? FLIP YES I DO!! But didn't you hear? Under Obama's plan I can quit and all those hard workers around me will take care of me! YES! No need for American to no longer work any harder!!

I mean don't get me wrong... I would be sitting here complaining if McCain would have won too.... would people just listen to me and vote for Nadar?!?! ;-) No. They wouldn't.

Now if you excuse me I am late for work. Er, um... I am late to put in my resignation.

Thanks OBAMA!! Here is to hoping you can overthrow our government sysytem and find a way to be a ruler until you die. If I never have to work again I will praise you.

Hammer's Inc Art Festival

So remember just the other day when I posted about looking at my friend's pictures & being envious of his adventures? Well... that friend is having his 2nd Annual art festival. I am going to copy and paste straight from Kens' blog. I would trust that you all are going to link to it but let's be honest, you guys are lazy and won't click. So here you go.

The 2nd annual Hammers Inc art festival is
November 15th @ 7:00 pm
3384 South Oakwood Street (SLC, UT)
and it's free!

The theme is finding beauty. (& trust me, they have found it )

Garrett & several other local artists will be showcasing their hard work from the past year and it will be for SALE!

There will be an auction, free food and drinks, and live music.
It is going to be a blast! If you live in the Salt Lake area you have no excuse to not come! Just park on the street or at the parking lot of the church around the corner.

Dress warm and get ready for an evening of culture.

I hope to see you all there!

Mmmm Mmmmm

3 days down... maybe I will quit counting. I am just as surprised as you that I could go three full days without eating meat OR sugary/candy crap. I don't have a problem with the latter one but normally if i commit to not eat something, regardless of I eat it regularly or not, all I want to do is shove that particular forbidden item in my mouth. Alas, I am free of that desire right now. I actually just got done eating the most delightful veggie patty!! You almost wouldn't know it wasn't meat and it tastes SO much better! Who knew eating healthy could be so delightful?

I am sorry but November is a big month for me and if I am going to blog everyday you might be hearing a lot about this. Sorry!

So... today I was crossing the street and a mom and her little daughter (probably about 3 years old or so) were going to cross my path as we walked to opposite sides of the street. I wasn't really paying attention to them but then I heard this child say something extremely loud and point at me and smile. What did she say you ask? I LOVE your pretty shoes!( i was wearing red high heels) HaHa. I don't know why that touched me so much! I love children and their honesty and their desire to express themselves. I was walking with a co worker and as I turned to smile and wave at the little girl I only envisioned her turning into her mom, or even worse, me. A snarly old woman who tries not to pay attention to those around them because it is not polite. Adults avoid eye contact and conversation at all costs. A chatty elevator with coworkers will get extremely quiet when picking up new riders and everyone looks up, down at their shoes, their watch,very sternly at the numbers....anywhere but at someone else. Heaven forbid we should smile at one another and maybe say, " I LOVE your pretty shoes!" I am grateful for children.

Hmm...

OK so I have a few saved drafts that I haven't posted so I am just making up a quick one because I wanted to keep with the post a day thing. Please note the correction from my last post. Emily is not just a girl. She is the woman!

Today's post is going to be short and sweet. Life has been hard for me to figure out lately. Really hard. I am constantly busy and I often times wonder where I am going or what I am doing. I can't see myself in a few years much less a year from now, six months from now, or six weeks from now. I could go more into depth but I really don't care to give you those details of my life. If you wish to know, please ask me in person. Yesterday I went over to my friend's house who just got back from a 6 week trip to Guatemala. I was looking at his pictures and was just so.... envious. Envious that he was able to just get up and leave for six weeks ( I can't even leave for two days because I don't have the vacation time), envious that he got to see such beautiful parts of the world, envious that he was able to make friends with locals and take their pictures ( I am too shy to just try and take a random person's picture) and the list could go on. When at lunch with my friend Dave about two weeks ago he was telling me that I could do anything with my life, I am just afraid to. He is completely right. I don't know what I would do without my routine. What would I do without a real job and a 401k and health insurance and the safety net of life? There are times I feel like I am not going anywhere or doing anything and I just want to get up and leave. I want to travel, I want to grab life by the horns! (Thanks Dodge!) But... I don't. I am afraid to. What would the consequences be? Ugh... I am so frustrated and I don't know what to do.

Veggie Tales

*Correction* Emily is not just a girl to me. She is the coolest person I know in Japan.


So... today was my first day of being vegetarian. I guess it helps when you "sleep" in until 11 am. (read... lay in bed because you are suffering from insomnia and can't sleep despite desperate pleas and attempts) . Still... I had a good first day and am excited to go for the next 26 days like this. I am currently eating a vegan burger and it is surprisingly GOOD! Not eating meat will be a hard thing for me but I am excited to test myself. I swear I have no self control when it come to eating. I have always eaten whatever I desired so this will be good!

Also, word on the web is that it is national blog posting month or something like that. Basically it means that it is an effort to get those bloggers out there blogging everyday in the month of november. I haven't researched this anywhere... I just saw it on this girl's EMILY'S (the girl that makes me feel like a winner!! and one of my most favorite people to stalk besides Bethany) blog so I am going to try and do it. Man... november is a commitment month for me! Wow... maybe it will convince me that committment isn't such a bad thing afterall and I will find a cute boy to repeatedly hang out with.... most likely not!! haha. Maybe I will add it to the to do list.

November's To Do
Don't eat meat
Blog once a day
Find a boyfriend
Enjoy my birthday

Yes... sounds good. I will even settle for 3 out of 4! :-) OK... well... football calls my name...

More Music

This is a recent favorite of mine. Anything that involves classical music with modern punk or pop usually gets my attention. Plus, the lead singers are twins. How fun is that? Plus, I am a sucker for the chorus.

I just can't resist you
It's not enough to say that I miss you
I feel so untouched right now
Need you so much somehow
I can't forget you
I've gone crazy from the moment I met you

Enjoy. The Veronicas. Untouched.

Wish Me Luck!!

Well,

I have decided to undergo a new challenge. In the name of trying new things I have decided to go vegan/vegetarian for the WHOLE* month of November.


I think the idea is to start off vegan but if it gets inconvenient to go vegetarian. I have enlisted the help of a very handsome guy who is amazing at motivating me and is one of my best friends in the whole entire world to help me through this difficult time. This man would be my little wittle brudder who isn't so wittle anymore. He lived in California for two whole years and always wanted to try it out. I think he was originally thinking a week but when I called and enlisted his support he without a beat was on board for the whole* month. His girlfriend is even on board for a week! Way to be a good sport! Now, I know you are all wondering how this Texas girl who loves her steak still bleeding is going to go vegetarian. Well, like I said... it is only for a month* and I fully intend on eating a full cow when I am done! I just thought it would be cool to try. I want to see how much self control I really have and if it really is that great. So... here's to self control and saving a cow in the month of November....though the Turkey better still watch out!

* Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday of the whole year! I fully intend on breaking my lifestyle on Thanksgiving and seeing as my birthday is the day after Thanksgiving and I will probably go out to celebrate I think I will be done with Vegetarianism. I also reserve the right to break my lifestyle one or two other times in the month. This isn't going to be hard core...just something to do. Because I am going to take a few days I have also given my brother four free days.

Will The Real Sarah Palin Please Stand Up

Wow... So I saw this on Michelle's blog last night (this morning) when I got home and was thinking about it again and just had to watch it. I don't really know how I feel about this skit. It is the real Sarah Palin. One side of me is wondering what someone in her situation is doing going along with this skit and the other side of my just thinks she is that much cooler for not taking herself too seriously. Either way the fact of the matter is this is just too freaking funny not to share. Enjoy.

Four AM rants

Yes, it is 4am and I have not yet been to bed. I am not really even tired either. Boo. :( Just some quick thoughts though.

• I missed the Thriving Ivory concert tonight and I am a little bitter about that. I heard they were absolutely amazing.
  
• The Utes won again today! 8-0 baby! My fear is that we will go undefeated all season and then lose to BYU thus making us ineligible for a BCS game even though we definitely have a bowl game now!
• It really is inconvenient trying to live in two states. The bowl game better be before or after I leave for my Texas visit. Taking that much time off work just for a holiday seems annoying. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if my family moved to Utah. Texas is LAME right now and I have no desire to be there.
• Is it possible to have great self confidence but horrible self esteem? The difference being that you know you are awesome but you don't think anyone else knows you are awesome.
  

Living the Dream

I really must admit I am, "living the dream" right now. Someone asked me a week or two ago how life in Salt Lake City was and I replied that I could not imagine it to be more perfect than it is now. While I am constantly busy and exhausted I have had some pretty awesome adventures. Just look at all I have done in the past ten days alone!! My whole life is like that!

I forgot to mention that I went to the Weezer concert on Tuesday. I must admit I was really disappointed in their performance but it was fun to see them all the same. I even bought a pretty cool t-shirt!

Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday night my parents flew into the Salt Lake City airport and I got to go pick them up. It was a very eventful night to say the least. The best part of it was getting to eat Korean food for the second time. I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy who lived in Korea for a bit so he took me to eat Korean food. I was in love with it and wondered why I had never been sooner!! I was friends with a Korean girl my first semester up here in Salt Lake and we always had plans to go eat but never did. It was wonderful. My sister Marie drove down from Idaho and got here late Wednesday night....just in time for her birthday.

Thursday was the birthday celebration. My parents both have their birthdays at the end of October just a day apart and since I would not be able to do anything for them I decided to have an eventful day. An expensive, completely paid for by me, day. We woke up on Thursday and kind of hung out around the house for a bit. I had to leave for about two hours to get my license and my registration but when I came back we went to lunch. After lunch I kept asking my family if they were jazzed for that night's surprise. My dad immediately made fun of me and said only Utah people used the word jazzed because of the Utah Jazz basketball team. As soon as he said Utah Jazz my sister Marie gagged and said "lame....utah jazz. booo" I kept telling them to be jazzed for that night. They didn't seem too jazzed. For dinner we rode trax down to Sandy and ate at a restaurant called the Mayan. They have divers and a performance every few minutes and it is a pretty neat atmosphere. There was one girl who was a crazy insane diver and it was the most fun to watch her do her tricks, especially from way up high. The other divers dove from pretty low levels but it was still entertaining to watch.



After dinner we hopped back on Trax and I told my family we were going downtown for a surprise. My dad asked if we were going to a museam. I said it was a type of museam. When my dad asked if it was arts, science, or entertainment I said it was a mixture of all three. We finally get off at our stop and I tell them to cross the street. There were a lot of people going into the Energy Solutions Areana (formerly known as the Delta Center) and I was like wow... I wonder what is going on there....let's go check it out. So my family starts to follow me and my sister is wondering what is going on. She then starts freaking out thinking I am taking them to a concert. As she looks at the marquee she sees the name Niel Diamond and is not pleased. Neither of my parents wanted to see Niel Diamond and neither did she. I hand them their tickets and she notices it says Utah Jazz on it. She gets a little more excited but you could tell they definitely weren't "jazzed". They humbly comply seeing how excited I am though. As the man scans the tickets and then proceeds to tell my sister that she is sitting in the suite level and how to get there. My sister did a double take and was like...SUITE?! what? she then looks at me and is shocked. She repeated the words suite a few times before she finally believed both the scanner man and me. My parents were pleasently surprised.
I have to be honest in saying that I am the one who is most into sports in my family. I love them. My mom would probably be next on the list. Despite that fact everyone enjoyed the game. As I walked in I told everyone to watch for Kyle Korver, my boyfriend. Two minutes into the game my mom was already cheering for him leaning over to tell me, "your boyfriend is GOOD!!!" and booing for the opposing team. Let me tell you, my family was DEFINITELY JAZZED by the end of the night!!!


The best part of the whole night besides my sister being completely shocked I scored suite tickets was when we were walking to our seats and the Jazz Bear was outside our suite. I asked to take a picture with him and my dad adamantly refused saying he was a Rocket's fan. The bear CLOBBERED my dad and would not let go of him!!!! My dad the whole time was trying to push off the bear and kept saying I'M A ROCKETS FAN! GO ROCKETS! I got the best picture of it and until the day I die this picture will be up in my house. It has to be one of my all time favorites of my dad. Enjoy.




The jazz bear was holding my hand as if we were dancing. I love him as well.

Oh Heavens

Where do I even begin to start? I really hope this isn't a long blog. I was told about four days ago that I needed to update but I just have not had the time. I have been busy and then my parents flew in on Wednesday and I have been entertaining them ever since. I apologize. There might be several posts over the next few days. OK...let's get started shall we?



I am grateful for wonderful friends. My friend Sasha and I went to lunch the other day and I absolutely loved it. I love when I get to go to lunch with Shanna or Kens or Matt or any of my good friends. Going to lunch breaks up the day and seeing a great friend makes it that much better. As Sasha was telling me all about his girl troubles he interrupted himself for a second and mentioned that I was such a de-stressor in his life. He said he felt really comfortable around me and never felt judged. I have thought about this comment a lot since then. I don't think I am a de-stressor to everyone. My parents tend to be stressors to me and in turn I know I was a definite stressor on them that very same day when they flew in....but it is good to know I am de-stressor to some people. My goal is to eventually be a de-stressor to everyone! It was a great compliment and I am going to try and live worthy of it.

After my post about Logan I decided I needed to order the last three seasons of Gilmore Girls where he makes his appearances. It has taken me four very long nights of fast forwarding through the boring parts but I am finally done with the first season he appears in. UGH! Seriously, you are more than welcome to make fun of me becuase I am totally smitten with him. Why can't I live in the fictional world? Hmm.... one season down...two more to go. OK so I don't love Logan but I am smitten with him. Besides....I think it is impossible for me to ever love someone so .... a girls gotta have someone right?

Another quick note. I got my Utah driver's license on Thursday!!!! WOW! I can't believe it! I finally gave in. It was time. I tried to register my car as well but there were problems there. That will come shortly. I feel so official in Utah now. There are still times when people will mention a city or an area and I will have no clue where that is but for the most part I really feel like Utah is home. Sometimes I feel like I have lived here my whole life. As I was playing hostess to my parents I was driving them all around the city and taking them to different places and suddenly as I took a short cut and then hopped onto I-80 to bypass some traffic I realized this was home. I flashed back to January 2, 2007 when my old roommate Amber and her boyfriend Adam picked me up from the airport. My eyes were red and I am sure I had black tear stains on my face from mascarra. I had cried the whole plane ride home because I didn't know what I was doing in Utah. My whole life was in Texas. My friends were there, my family was there, my memories were there....and I had nothing in Utah. I had no friends other than my roommates and their boyfriends and I had no clue how to go anywhere that was not on campus. Going home to Texas and being able to navigate through all of Houston and the surrounding area and seeing friends made me wonder what I was doing in Salt Lake. As Adam took I-80 home from the airport back to mine and Amber's apartment I started to cry again. I had no clue where we were and I felt horrible. And now here I am....almost two years later and I made it. I have friends, I know my way around the city, I have a great job with great co workers and I basically have another family. (though they will never replace my own family) I feel more at home here than I do anywhere else.

This is home.

Amazing Weekend

There are so many things to blog about. Just some highlights.

The Utes barely pulling a win against Oregon State last night. Louie Sakoda is my boyfriend. What an amazing kick he pulled the last TWO SECONDS of the game to break the tie and give us a victory! College football is amazing. Even more amazing is getting to spend the game with girls.

Today at work I was exhausted and definitely not dressed to impress. We were sponsoring a concert for a charity and LeAnn Rimes was the singer. I had decided not to go but a coworker at the last minute asked me to go with her. Her date had a family emergency come up. So... I got to work until 5:30 finishing up a project and then went to the dinner and then on to the concert. I am so glad I went! She did an awesome job! After she left she came back on for an encore and sang two more songs. The last one was Amazing Grace. I cried. That is what I call a great concert! I felt happy during some songs, like a rock start at other songs, sad/in love at other songs and finally spiritual and grateful for God on the very last one!

As we got to our seats (row 15) we were kind of early. A man and his "posse" politely excused himself in front of me while trying to shimmy past me. The rows are not wide at all. I stood up, let him pass and realized I knew him. I couldn't quite place it. He sat down a few chairs over from me and the lady next to me asked me who that was. I responded I didn't know. She was like... I feel like I am supposed to know him. At that moment I knew who it was. She immediately said... I think I have seen him on TV and when she said that it solidified my thought. It was Robert D. Hales. I felt a little celebrity sticken to be quite shamefully honest. Excuse me Mr. Hales...shouldn't you be getting your shut eye for conference tomorrow? I guess not. The concert started at 8 and got out at 9:30. Besides singnig a song about women needing a good friend and a glass of wine nothing at all was inappropriate. It is funny how I scrutinzed the event once I knew a religious leader was there. Good to know I am partaking of good clean entertainment! HaHa. On the train ride home I happened to stand next to him as well. He and his wife were so adorable. Everyone was packed in and one person got up to let them sit down but they stayed standing. They shared ONE hand thing (you know the handles at the top that you hold on to?) and he said it was like they were young and dating again. Really cute. Anyway....that's my weekend. I guess I should go to bed because after the game I partied and I haven't slept. I am tired! I hope your weekend is as amazing as mine has already been!

I am In Love. Completely in Love

With whom you ask? Well there is just one little problem.... he doesn't really exist. But...with...him.




No. Not with him specifically but with the character he played on Gilmore Girls. Didn't that end like two seasons ago you ask? Yes. But I religiously watch the reruns if I am home and we just got to the season where Logan makes his appearances. He steals my heart everytime. Ugh. Mr. Darcy and Logan Huntsberger are the only people who have stolen my heart since I was born (besides Trey in pre-k but seriously. A 4 year old who dresses HIMSELF?!? That is irresistable to another 4 year old).

Sure I have feigned attraction on several occasions and love on two others but let's be honest. The only men who have ever had my heart are Mr. Darcy and Logan. Oh how I wish I lived in fantasy land on a more regular basis than I do. Please don't mind me.I am going to go to bed and dream of men that don't exist.

To: House Republicans From: Me

Seriously?









That is all I have to say. Good day sir. I said GOOD DAY! (please imagine me slamming a door and walking off in a huff.)

My Parents

*re posted. Originally posted September 28,2007 I love you guys!


My Wife
Trusty, dusky, vivid, true,
With eyes of gold and bramble-dew,
Steel-true and blade-straight,
The great artificer
Made my mate.

Honour, anger, valour, fire;
A love that life could never tire,
Death quench or evil stir,
The mighty master
Gave to her.

Teacher, tender, comrade, wife,
A fellow-farer true through life,
Heart-whole and soul-free
The august father
Gave to me.

-Robert Louis Stevenson

I have often thought of this poem. I love it so much. Today I would like to dedicate it to my parents. What a humbling experience it was as I walked to work today from the parking garage to the building and as I saw the Salt Lake Temple I was so grateful for two young adults, thirty years ago today, who traveled over a day in the car from Houston, Texas to Salt Lake City, Utah to get married. No doubt scared to make one of the biggest decisions of their life and without a single family member there with them. As I walked, I took a moment of silence, and just imagined my mom and dad " John & Mirtia if you will" (Jade has inspired me to call everyone by their first name but I digress) walking up to the temple. What were they thinking, how did the city look... did they walk around temple square the night before? As I took my moment I swear I could see them walking there in front of me hand in hand and I wanted to wave. My mom was so beautiful and bodacious just as I always dreamt she was. My dad I imagined (but it was so real to me) was stern but cool. A man I hardly recognized even in my own imagination. They were so young with no kids. I wanted them to turn around and see me, I wanted to run to them and see them as JOHN & MIRTIA not mom and dad. I wanted to see them as people. I wanted to tell them all that thirty years would bring. Alas they kept walking and as I continued walking into the building they seemed to fade away into thin air. I kept walking and I secretly longed for them to be here thirty years later to recreate history and to help me in making history. They are my strength.

Mom & Dad, I know I have told you before but I am extra grateful today as I think of thirty years of marriage. I know it has been hard but I am grateful for all that you have each individually and as a team done for me. Happy Anniversary!

Jessicca Holly Dub

***warning. extremely long post**

It is past midnight and I have already been asleep for well over four hours. I guess that is why when I woke up I can't go back to sleep. Many people who know me know that my memory is crap. I don't remember lots of stuff. I don't really care. I never pay attention to the details in the long run and I don't really mind that I don't remember what happened eight hours ago much less eight years ago.

Randomly as I have been trying to fall asleep the past week as I lay there in bed on the verge of dreamland I will remember events that happened in elementary and junior high. Fun times. Things that really made me happy. I have been prompted to write them down so there I am at midnight grumbling as I emerge completely from any sort of chance I had at sleep and fumble around in the dark to find a pen and something to write on.

"Empty cable switch that left a hole in the wall. We used to roll up notes long and circular to pass to the classroom on the other side."

"Veronica's mom used to come to pick her up from school to go shopping. I was envious because even at the age of seven I wanted a sexy name that started with a V. I thought it was sexy because I thought V's were very hot to write."

"First grade track and field theme was Sneed's startrackers"

"looking up at my frist grade teacher mrs. sneed and feeling like she was ten feet tall."

The list continues....

I don't know why I am having all of these memories or where they are coming from. I mean they are all insignificant. However, there are sticky notes all over my desk and hopefully I will get to journaling more in depth about those memories soon.

Tonight however I can't sleep.Instead of remembering good times I am haunted by my one regret. Anyone who has ever asked me if I had any regrets in my life knows I carry just one. This is really for the sake of me writing it and hoping I will be able to sleep after this. Feel free not to read it. It might be long and it really has no point. Of all my life experiences I don't regret any of them except one. Let's get started shall we?

I was a weird child. I am a weird adult. There is no secret there. I blame it all on my parents really. J&M were different kind of parents and we lived in a different kind of neighborhood. If you can call it a neighborhood. While there are many residential developments in the city I grew up in there is this one block out in the middle of nowhere (well at least it was nowhere 20 years ago when we first moved there-eww....I can't believe I am old enough to say that. sick) Anyway. There were mostly geriatric people that lived in this secluded piece of block. Each house mostly laid on close to an acre of property if not more. The houses were still pretty close together we just had expansive backyards and such. I believe there were six or seven other houses with kids between these four streets that formed a block but we were different ages and it wasn't really conducive to us playing in the streets. We all just played in our huge backyards I suppose. And I , well I had four siblings so I guess I spent most of my time playing with them. I really couldn't tell you. I don't remember. Any other children that lived in the city lived miles away. Not really easy to get to when you consider a 6 year old has no transporation. Crossing major highways by yourself isn't really allowed.

Anyway, this is all to set up the stage. Each school year I looked forward to school. Not friends. I made tons of friends but we only hung out during school. I didn't really care I suppose. The school bell would ring and I would get on the bus and head home. Others would make plans to play after school or call each other but not me. It was time to head to the casa where I would be for another evening. I do remember very vividly sitting in the hallway of Walter Hall Elementary waiting for my bus. This kid in my class Elisandro asked for my number. He was a babe. Every girl in second grade wanted him to be their boyfriend. Except me. I was 8 and knew I had another 8 years before my dad would let me date. That was the fact of the matter and I took it VERY seriously. I never tried to sneak around or rebel. Well....Eli as we used to call him, asked for my number. I wouldn't give it to him. He then proceeded to lunge over me and grab the tag attached to my backback. Amanda B. C. Address..... PHONE NUMBER. 332-001....quick! He and "his boys" each memorized a portion and wrote it down. Good teamwork boys. I immediately burst into tears. Please don't call me! Please! My dad will kill me! My dad won't understand! Please don't call me! The fear of being physically punished flashed through my mind and I might as well have been screaming bloody murder in the hallway. Well if that wasn't attractive I don't know what was....needless to say he never called.

After that day I remember kids thinking about me a little differently. They knew never to call me because I lived far away but now they really wouldn't call. The girls anyway! Well....about a year after that incident I started 4th grade. (it was at the end of the year in second grade.) That is when I met Jessicca Holly Dub. I had forgotten until this second that she had two c's in her name. See how all the memories just come flooding back? Well...Jessicca and I were kindred souls. I had never met someone I actually cared about and that was so much like me. I WANTED to play with her after school. Normally I went to school, came home, slept, repeat. I didn't care about the kids at school. In fact Until high school I had a game I played that I pretended I didn't know anyone when I Came back for school after the summer had ended. I mean...it had afterall been a few months since I had last seen everyone. I was too cool for them. Well...Jessicca. I can't even remember. In efforts to make this post a little shorter we were best friends. The first one I had had. Fourth grade year was bliss. My parents even took me to her birthday party and she came to mine. ( I wrote Jessicca Holy Dub on her birthday card and she kept saying how Holy she was and teasing me becauseI spelled her name wrong. ) She got me a board game. The game of Life. We were in a class play and I remember my mom came. It is the only event I think my mom ever went to my whole 12 years of being in school. Jessica's mom went as well. I remember them talking. Her mom wore a scarf on her head and I remember thinking it was weird for a second and then never really thought more about it.

In fifth grade they changed the boundaries and my block and the neighborhood that was closest to me had to switch schools. That meant three fifth graders would now go to a different school. Jessicca was one of them and they put us in the same class. Life could not have been sweeter! Our friendship developed and I believe on the rare occasion my parents would let me go to her house. It was only three or four times the whole year because they did have to drive me there but it was about a five minute drive so it wasn't bad. That summer I remember I even got to go to softball practice with her and her dad! J was crazy insane and I was NEVER allowed to go places with just people's dad. I remember feeling like I had won the lottery or something. This time when I went to her house I remember there was a bed in the formal living room right as you walked in. We had to be quiet because her mom was sleeping and not feeling well.

So...sixth grade comes along and Jessicca and I are STILL best friends. We are now on the same bus and we were the only sixth graders who got to sit in the back. I believe we were the second to last seat on the left hand side. We were already so cool for sixth grade and basically inseperable. Well....one day at lunch the counselor came to get her and she was gone for the rest of the day. This is where it gets tough. This is where I feel like I want to cry. Later on that day I got pulled out of class. As her best friend they found it their obligation to tell only me and the teachers that Jessicca's mom had passed away that morning. I cried. I was in shock. I had no idea her mom was even sick. I was so naive. Who had ever heard of cancer as an 11 year old? Surely not me. Well.... I told a few kids later on that day. The counselor gave me the funeral information but I felt I couldn't go. I mean after all...Jessicca had not invited me. She had never even told me her mom was sick. Who was I to show up in her personal out of school life? I remember I came home and told my parents. Want to know what they said or did? Nothing. No one explained to me that her mom had been sick. No one said let me take you to the funeral. No one did anything. So I did nothing.

One of Jessicca's neighbor's found out about the funeral and went. I remember them talking about playing around at her house after the funeral and I felt very envious. I wanted to play around too! Darn! I should have gone! (This is where I could slap my former self). This was early 6th grade. I don't exactly remember when. All I can remember is that shortly after Jessicca's mom died they went on some sort of vacation. She got one of those long thread things they braid into your hair. It was in tehre for a while. I thought it was absolutely disgusting. Also, she was going through puberty and she started to smell and get hair in her armpits. She didn't shave and I even more.... I thought....this girl is disgusting. No once for a second did I think, hey, this girl just lost her mom. Maybe her dad doesn't know how to deal with a girl who is getting her period and has to start shaving and all that stuff. Instead I thought....SHUN HER! So I did. She was cramping my style. I was soooooooooooooo mean to her. Incredibly mean. I stopped talking to her. We sat together on the bus and one day we got into an argument and I wouldn't let her sit on the aisle or near the window or whichever side was the cool side. I don't remember. I told her she couldn't sit with me anymore. I used to hang out in the orchestra room before school because she couldn't follow me unless she had an instrument. One day someone snuck her by and she came in to give me my christmas present. Nail polish. I grudingly took it and then we had christmas break. I don't remember talking to her after that. Not until high school. It turns out Jessicca was incredibly good at sports and actually surpassed me in popularity the next year. I still pretended I didn't know her.

And I can't believe that I wasn't there for her. I can't believe that when she needed her best friend most I was mean to her. In my defense I think my parent's should have stepped up and explained a few things to me because kids are cruel but it was still my fault. My parent's didn't shun her. I did. It has been nearly twelve years since the incident and for the past six it has haunted me at night more times than I would like. It almost brings me to tears everytime. I mean I am a horrible writer and I can't even convey the way I behaved. What is so ironic is I can't ever remember being outright mean to anyone else like that in my whole entire life. Why on Earth would I treat my best friend who needed me like that? Looking back I just think of how life could have been different. And too many times I wish I could go back to sixth grade and be the friend she needed. I have had a lot of life experiences and none of them do I ever wish I could redo. I hated my life growing up and I hated my parents. I hated my existence. Everday was hell for me. And even knowing that, if I could go back to one point in my life and redo life all over again I would. I would go through another seven years of hell to be the kind of person I should I have been. But going back knowing what I know now, I would make different choices and I know for sure I wouldn't be here in Utah. I wouldn't be friends with Sarah Anderson and Kens and Jade and so many of the people I know and love now. Is it worth it? I mean.... how do you answer that question? I don't suppose I will ever be able to forgive myself for that. I suppose I shall be haunted by that for the rest of my existence. But hey...eternity isn't that long right?

Guilty Pleasures

Today was Crappy. (notice the capital c) Anywho... what started off horrible ended greatly with guilty pleasures.

1) Soy Milk
I count this as a guilty pleasure because I pride myself on not wasting money and soy milk is so darn expensive when compared to regular squeezed from the cow milk. However, it is so dang good and for no other reason than, " I LOVE it" I drink it. I went and got two half gallons tonight. Why don't they sell it in a gallon? Hmm.... yummy vanilla soy milk.

oh was I drooling? Sorry! That was awkward.

2) Dancing in my car to absurd songs.
On my way home from purchasing said soy milk Katy Perry's latest hit came on the radio. Yes, I did squinch together my lips & eyebrows, and moved those shoulders and bobbed my head like NOBODY'S business!
Even though I was confined to my car and driving defensively and safely (are you listening State of Utah? I am about to get my drivers license from you and you better not give me trouble about it) in my heart I was holding a hairbrush as a microphone and hopping around my room in my underwear. Yeah... most people would imagine they were in front of a large crowd but seriously, if I were in my underwear in front of a large crowd that could be VERY embarrasing!

It's your turn. Dance monkey. DANCE!

Nie Nie

I have a confession. I internet stalk about three people. All three of them are people I have never before actually met. I blame it on Katherine really. She mentioned someone once and so I started reading person A's blog. Well, one day person A mentioned someone else so I started reading person B's blog. Well....about three months ago person B mentioned someone ELSE and thus it became that I was not the avid reader of blogger a, b, and c. Well... Blogger C just seemed too good to be true! She was perfect in every sense of the word. Gorgeous, talented, amazingly adorable children (one of which was the cutest red head you ever did see), perfect husband....blah blah blah. Reading her blog brought happiness to my day. It was inspirational really. And then... and then a few weeks ago it was posted that she was involved in a bad plane crash. Her husband got his pilot's license and they were flying and who knows what happened but one person died and her and her husband were badly burned. They have been in the hospital for weeks and will probably continue to be there for a while.It appears I should not feel so bad because I wasn't the only anonymous blog stalker. There were apparently hundreds of us. When she died everyone reached out and has done fund raising or contributed money to a paypal account online. Don't think it is a scam...the news has been all over it. Her dad is in Utah politics and her mom is a council woman for Provo. The siblings have even been on the Today Show and in People magazine because so many people have been talking about this. Well...her sister keeps her site updated and they repost odd blog entries of hers. If you are having a bad day, or even a good day, maybe you should check out her blog. It is really inspirational. My favorite is the one about leaving notes all around the city for strangers. She really had the right outlook on life and I aspire to be 1/4 of the person she was/is. I can't really say more...you just have to look for yourself.

The Nie Nie Diaries

C Jane (her sister)

August Blog of the Month

** Items in rust color are links and can be clicked on

It has come to my attention that I have not yet posted August's Blog of The Month.

I totally had a blog in mind and it was going to win August's BOTM until just a few days ago. I guess it unfairly goes to this person because the posts have been in September but I really want you guys to check it out. This is my second award due to photography skills but BRANDT wins this month. Hmmm.....his lovely and beautiful wife Christina was my very first BOTM. Good thing they don't have children who blog because that would just be amazing and they for sure would win subsequent BOTMs. HaHa.

Anyway, Brandt just posted a bunch of pictures he took around everyday Chicago and I think they are absolutely amazing. What I enjoy most about this series is the way he got me to look at things differently, from HIS point of view. They are absolutely amazing in my opinion and I think you should check him out NOW.

I don't just post these for fun, I think y'all should really check out these bloggers. Just a quick recap of previous month's winners.

May- Mrs. Christina B.
June- Mr. G Smith
July- Mr. Dave K.
August -Mr. Brandt B.

** Items in rust color are links and can be clicked on

September 9, 2008

I can't think of any better way to describe how I feel today other than this photo and this song.

Four Things

I was tagged. I hate these kind of things but because I love Hailey I am doing it.


Four Random Things I Would Like My Future Husband to Emulate/Have
1. Mr. Darcy's ardent love for Elizabeth
2. Gordon B. Hinckley's humble desire to serve the Lord and honor his priesthood
3. Patience and a calm temper
4. Education

Four Jobs I Have Had
1. Cashier at Tuesday Morning
2. Cashier at Johnson Space Center Houston
3. Teller/Teller Supervisor at Texas First Bank
4. Investment Management at Key Bank

Four Movies I Have Watched More Than Once
1. What Happens in Vegas
2. Pride & Prejudice (the newer one with Kierra Knightly)
3. My Best Friend's Wedding
4. The Labrynth

Four Places I Have Lived
1. Houston Texas
2. League City Texas
3. Texas City Texas
4. Salt Lake City Utah

Four TV Shows I Have Watched
1. Gilmore Girls
2. What I like About You
3. The Secret Life of an American Teenager
4. What Not to Wear

Four Places I Have Been Most Recently
1. Church
2. Miles & Wyatt Petty's House
3. Rice Eccles Stadium for the University of Utah game
4. The Greek Festival

Four People who [Facebook] you Regularly (I altered this one because I don't really email these days)
1. Miles
2. My brudder
3. Ethan Joshua Michal Leavitt
4. Jordan Weed

Four Favorite Foods
1. My grandmother's potato soup
2. My mom's Chicken & Dumplings
3. Tamales
4. Sushi

Four Places I'd Like To Visit
1. My family in Houston Texas
2. Spain
3. London
4. Kula Lumpur

Four Things I Am Looking Forward To This Year (I'm counting Aug 2008-Aug 2009)
1. Christmas with my family
2. buying my Nikon
3. Jade coming home from her mission!!
4. Possibly buying a house!!!

Four things I want to do before I die:
1. Take an amazing photo that takes people's breath away
2. fly a plane
3. Make an amazingly beautiful cake
4. Fall in love again

Four people I want to fill this out: (fill this out if you want but I am not tagging anyone)
1.
2.
3.
4.

A Train Wreck

I need a hug. One that lasts an hour.

If A Picture is worth A Thousand Words...

then I don't really need to blog today now do I?