It Might Be A While

Well, I just wanted to write a blog because it might be a while. I am packing up all my stuff right now. Tomorrow is moving day, and I won't have the internet for a while. I need to figure something out...but I am NOT paying $60/mo for the internet by myself. I will still have access to email from my phone so that will just have to do for now I suppose. 

Also, if you believe in a higher power please keep me in your prayers tonight. I am having RADIOACTIVE fluid injected into my body tomorrow. Then I have to stay completely still so that they can get accurate pictures for the next hour or two. I am not going to lie... I am a little freaked out. I know everything will be OK though.  I just am praying that they find out WHY I am in so much pain. 

Anyway... back to packing. If you don't hear from me for a while, then that's why.

Today's Schedule

4:15am Awake in great pain, and feeling sick to my stomach. Walk to the bathroom because I feel my stomach/throat/mouth may need to use the toilet. I walk 2 ft, knees buckle, and I pass out.

4:17 am. pee.

4:20 sit up/sleep in bed

4:25 get a strong conviction to go to the Dr./ER because I have appendicitis. My stomach has been hurting for the past 2 days but not this bad. That thought is the only thing that convinced me to go to the Dr. I mean who wants to sit in an ER? 

4:30 find phone and call dr's office to find out they don't open until 8:30am. Make plans to be there promptly at 8am.

4:30-6:30. Wait to call people because I don't want to wake them up. 

6:30am call mother. no answer. 

6:45am call Sister who had appendicitis, no answer

7am call mother again. no answer. call house phone. no answer. call house phone AGAIN. no answer.

7:10am call Jade. SURPRISE! NO ANSWER! 

7:11am wonder if I live in a twilight zone and if everyone is dead rendering them unable to answer their phones. 

7:12-7:45 pretend to be interested about whatever is on TV while I am in unbearable pain.

7:45 decide it is early enough to head to dr's

8am go to dr's office, pee in a cup, be tested for h-pylori, and wait a lot. am given STAT orders to go get bloodwork done and have two types of CT scans done.

10am head to get the CT scans done.  Am told that I have free floating fluid on the right side of my body which is probably causing the pain. Two different types of ultrasounds are ordered.

11:20 head across the street to st. marks only to find out that they don't accept united health care.

11:40 am. head to imc hospital, who DOES accept united.

11:50 get a call from dr. saying that imc's ultrasound machine is broken and i have to still get my bloodwork done but i will have to go somewhere else for a ct scan.

11:55 arrive at the wrong building and am redirected to the right building

12:05 arrive at lab. someone else checks me in because of my incredible pain, i spaze out in seizures while being checked in but assure the lady im fine. (it feels like someone stabbed me 12 times in the stomach when i freaked out)

12:20 have bloodwork drawn. nurse refuses to let me walk out and wheels me out and has someone else wheel me out to my car.

12:45 arrive as TOSH to have the ultrasound done.

1pm meet sonographer

1pm-3:00pm have three different ultrasounds done. I will spare you the details... the good news... im not pregnant. well gee... I coulda told you that. The bad news? Confirmed that I have lots of fluid in my stomach but we still don't know why. 

sacrificial lamb?

do you ever feel your trials are supposed to be blessings to other people?  you know... like bad things happen to you so that good things can happen to other people?

it sure has felt like that the past....5 years or so. don't get me wrong. my life doesn't suck by  ANY means or stretch of the imagination.... 

i just feel like i am here to help other people....

when is someone going to be here to help me?

So, remember that one time

when I blogged about this deliciously handsome young man that kept appearing in my dreams but had never seen or met!?!?! Well... the deliciously handsome young man keeps appearing at my doorstep. Out of this world! But... I like it.

Because she asked for it.

Jade asked where the "fun posts" were; referencing my blog about her arrival home. Well, public, the truth of the matter is that I have discovered most of our fun is not meant to be shared. Mostly because it would cause great embarrassment to either herself, or ME. There are lots of pictures taken with the promise they will never end up on facebook. But, here is a fun video. She was basically selling this peanut butter to me trying to convince me I needed to try it. In her defense, I tried it, and it was the best peanut butter I have ever had. It was much more sweet than American peanut butter. Please enjoy.

Decisions Decisions

What are you supposed to do when your heart continually aches for something your mind knows will bring nothing but hurt.

It is out of my control.

Despite my most valiant efforts... there is nothing I can do.

I Think It's That Time

For me to go private. If you are a blog stalker that's more than OK. I just would rather know who is potentially reading my blog. If you would like to continue reading please email me.

efymandi{at}yahoo{dot}com

She's BACK!!

  SHE'S BACK!

Jade is back!!

I know I haven't updated in a while and I'm sorry. I have been so consumed with myself, work, and the homecoming of my long lost love, Jade Ozawa, and her arrival and return from Taiwan where she has resided for the past 18 months.

She arrived back home on Monday and I have been with her ever since. I will upload pictures and videos later. I just wanted to let you know I am alive... but I have been in Vegas since Sunday and I will be here for another week. 

Look forward to fun posts!

Surprise visits!

Ben Spies. The Texan Terror rider of Superbike.

This weekend I went to the Superbike World Championships at Miller Motorsports Park here in Salt Lake. ( Tooele to be exact). I got to be in the middle of all the hoopla. I was down in the pits for the start of the second race. How awesome!  And It was all thanks to this guy.
Oh how I love him! I know I recently blogged about him (see here) but I don't think I can describe enough how happy this man makes me.
How cute is that face? For the past ten years we have stayed friends. I have confided more in him than I probably have anyone else. 
I am so grateful to have such a wonderful friend in him.  He is such an amazing person and he really cares a ton about me. It was such a nice surprise for him to fly in last minute to Salt Lake, even if half the reason was to go to the Superbike Championships, he got me passes too and I know the other half of the reason was to see me. So I can live with 50/50.
What a fabulous weekend!

Roe vs..... Roe?

Ha.

I just found out that the lady "Roe" in Roe vs. Wade is now PRO-LIFE! Ha. She was led away in handcuffs today after a protest of President Obama speaking at Notre Dame.  

An excerpt from her book Won By Love says:

"I was sitting in O.R.'s offices when I noticed a fetal development poster. The progression was so obvious, the eyes were so sweet. It hurt my heart, just looking at them. I ran outside and finally, it dawned on me. 'Norma,' I said to myself, 'They're right.' I had worked with pregnant women for years. I had been through three pregnancies and deliveries myself. I should have known. Yet something in that poster made me lose my breath. I kept seeing the picture of that tiny, 10-week-old embryo, and I said to myself, Abortion--it brings out the kid in you! It's as if blinders just fell off my eyes and I suddenly understood the truth--that's a baby!

"I felt crushed under the truth of this realization. I had to face up to the awful reality. Abortion wasn't about 'products of conception.' It wasn't about 'missed periods.' It was about children being killed in their mother's wombs. All those years I was wrong. Signing that affidavit, I was wrong. Working in an abortion clinic, I was wrong. No more of this first trimester, second trimester, third trimester stuff. Abortion–at any point–was wrong. It was so clear. Painfully clear."^[4]

 HA! I never cease to amaze myself at the random and odd things I learn everyday by reading the news and researching things on the internet. Now I just wonder if she will flip positions again in a few years supporting abortion again.

I dunno... does anyone else find it ironic that the person behind the iconic and breakthrough case for abortion now fights hard against it? Hmmm..... interesting indeed.

Mt. Ogden

This past week has had its ups and downs. Friday morning was a huge up but by Friday afternoon it was a huge down. I was stressed and just wanted to go home. I had a golf date with a friend in Ogden. I hadn't been in years and couldn't wait to go but by the end of the day I just wanted to go home and lay in bed. I decided to suck it up and go. Well... Driving to Ogden from Salt Lake after work isn't fun as it turns out. It took me an hour to go 22 miles. I was NOT a happy camper. By the time I got to the golf course I just sat in my car for 10 minutes to try and calm down. I was so overwhelmed from the bad day/traffic.  I finally got out of my car and met my friend. It kind of sucked at first because I was stressed and it was apparent I hadn't golfed in years which was even more stressful. It wasn't soon before I was laughing at myself and enjoying being outdoors with amazing scenery, amazing weather, and being able to hit a ball. 

All in all, I forgot all about my troubles after golfing. I felt on top of the world, and I can't believe I let it go this long since the last time I went. I am definitely making more time for it in the future!! 

The view from one of the holes. Click on it for a bigger picture. It was taken from my phone so I guess that's why it is so small.

Dear Mr. President,

You are The President of the United States. You are the highest political official in the United States by influence and recognition.

I don't know if you got the memo... but you are NOT a stand up comedian. 

I have to say... I think you are funnier... and if you were in a movie I would go watch it... but everyday I swear I lose more respect for you. Somehow you just don't seem like the leader of the free world anymore.

Did anyone else see the Annual White House Correspondence Event tonight?

Are You My Mother?

I just wanted to say how much I love my mother! She is such a beautiful, amazing, and inspiring woman. I am so glad she isn't just my mother, but a great friend as well.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mothers out there!!! 

And... Happy Mother's Day to the best mother ever... MINE!

Neighbors Make A Difference

I love my job.

I love my company.

I find joy in drinking my herbal tea from my Key Bank coffee mug every morning.

I am "Proud to be at Key" ( something we get evaluated on in our annual reviews)

It is important for me to work for a company that I am proud to work at.

When I applied for the position at Key Bank nearly three years ago I didn't know about them. Coming from the fabulous Texas First Bank I knew what it felt like to make a difference in the immediate community. Texas First Bank taught me what it meant to work at a community bank. I came to know so many local business owners and people in the community who came in all the time. 

 I learned to love banking and to teach people how to manage their money, and help them when they needed it.  TFB valued their customers and their community and they were such a large part of it. Just because I was in Utah I didn't see why I needed to work for a company that was any less involved in the community. 

But here was this company. Key. Never heard of them. (We don't have a "footprint" -as they call it- in Texas). I researched them online. I went to their website and looked up the philanthropy they do. When I got my first interview, a phone interview with an HR person at the corporate offices in Ohio, I interviewed HER. I knew I was a great bargain and that they would hire me with my background in banking and personal achievements, anyone would....so why should I pick THEM?!?!?  I was impressed and 2 face to face interviews later I was hired on.

I worked as an intern, sometimes 5 hours a day others two and a half. I never really participated in extra Key events because I had a ton of work to do and not nearly enough time to do it and I was a full time student with no time to spare.

Now that I am full time,  I decided to participate in our "Neighbors Make A Difference" day. I happened to be on the longest project. A Habitat for Humanity home that went from 9-3. Other projects were only 2-3 hours long and indoors. I arrived at the site hesitant. I am not one for manual labor. 

Jill Taylor, the PRESIDENT of Key Bank in Utah learned how to build rooms and the inside of a closet!! 

The day was nice and the company was amazing. I can't believe that my company paid me to go out in the community and improve it. Nationally 8,000 Key Bank employees volunteered. I am so impressed that I work for a company that committed so much payroll money in the year of one of the worst recessions, for employees to not be at work in a time when everyone is busy. It is only a few hours a year but how many other companies can boast that? Especially 19 years running!?!?! That means the world to me to be part of a company like that. 

Bankers become builders. Raquel rocks the nail polish, designer sunglasses, and popped collar as she secures the wall to the stud.

As I said, my project was Habitat for Humanity but nationally people volunteered at shops that make furniture for people that need it, animal shelters, homeless shelters, food banks, ymca's, habitat for humanity , schools, the list goes on and on....

It was fun to see a bunch of bankers become builders!!! What added to the great experience was that my bank sponsored the house we built. It is amazing to think that someone will have a house because of my bank. Because of the hours we put in, and the money donated, someone can have some sort of stability in their lives, more importantly, a place for their children to have stability. 

I am still on such a high. I have scrapes up and down my arms, my fingers are raw, my hand hurts, but I am on a high. I haven't felt better in a long long time.  I am grateful for wonderful organizations like Key Bank that realize banking is important, but so is the community your bank resides in!!! Even more, I am grateful I am a Key employee!!!

DLG

This picture was taken July of 2004.  Bonnie just tagged me in it earlier today and I have spent quite a bit of time today thinking about it.  Can't find me? Start at the  Top row... guy in red shirt on the right hand side. underneath him is a guy in a cap and grey shirt leaning on a girl that would be ME)

You can't tell from the picture but I was going through one of the worst times in my life. I was away from my fiance for a mere 14 days.  About two days into it, unexpectedly, while with this group of people, I called him and told him I didn't want to marry him anymore. I knew what I was feeling was right, but it came as such a shock.  

Five years later this is still such a shock to me. I didn't know I would make that decision until I made it. No one knows the whole story and I don't know if I will ever tell it. No, I never cheated. Some know most of the story but NO ONE knows what was the straw that broke tha camels back. Some things just stay special when kept to yourself, and it's fun to think back on it and smirk. I love that memory even though it was followed by months of pain and heartache. Well... needless to say.... it was a hard week. I had to do my best at putting on a smile and functioning as a normal person and a leader to the teenage kids at this conference. (This is a picture of all the counselors) 

Well, DLG, the kid in top right corner, in the blue with a girl on his back.... made the difference those 14 days when we had the rare opportunity to talk.  There are several things I remember but I will only share one. It was a Saturday, just  a few days after the break up and the kids were headed home which meant we as counselors were free for the day!!! DLG, JG, BH, JJ, and some girl who I don't remembers name ...Chelsea? I'm wanting to say??? decided to go cliff diving. We all piled into DLG's famous green Isuzu Rodeo and headed off onto our adventure. Well, we were playing and having a good time and my ex decided to call. I of course answered the phone for who knows what reason. I don't exactly remember the call but I remember for the first time in a year and a half of dating he was not nice. Not only was he not nice, he was downright mean. (to be halfway expected but this kid doesn't really have a mean bone in his body) Well DLG kept eyeing me in his rearview mirror as I "mmm hmmmed" "i'm sorry" and "yeah"d in his back seat. I did a pretty good job but as the 3rd summer at this conference I think everyone in the car took my silence as a bad sign. They knew me to be loud, and obnoxious, and talkative.  I can still remember heading North on whatever interstate that is next to Trinity University in San Antonio and seeing him not look at the road at all. He stared right into the rearview mirror and looked at me and said "Mandi, you are going to have fun today if I have to see to it myself."

And that's just the type of guy he was. We were decent friends for only spending 14 days a year together. We had nicknames but really, I was no one special...he was just that great of a guy that he would do anything to make anyone happy. He made sure I didn't think of my ex once that day. He had such endearing qualities. I swear... the more I think about him the more I love him.  

That was kind of it... The last hoorah. The next Saturday he was off to another state to be a counselor somewhere else and we lost touch. We weren't great friends and facebook and myspace weren't really what they are now... I think there was an email or two but that's it.  I heard through the grapevine a year or two later that he met a cute girl and got married. Just three short months after the announcement of his marriage I got an email informing me of his tragic death. It was a late night car accident just days after Christmas in which he was the passenger.  I believe his was the only fatality. I had to drive that stretch of road once when driving to Colorado. I was sick with grief the whole time. I understood why the accident happened and cringed everytime I saw a marker, wondering if it represented him...wishing I could go back in time and save him. He deserved to have a wife, and children..he would have been the best dad.

I'm rambling.  I just... I can't believe it. 4 years later and I still can't believe it. I am sure you could scour the globe and you would only find people like me, better off because they brushed paths with him once for a brief amount of time. 

All I know if that If I had never met DLG, or if I wouldn't have interacted with him that week...I don't know if I would have had the strength to NOT BE amanda bess bradshaw. I know I wouldn't have had the strength to go on that week. He silently lifted me and my spirits without even trying to. I can't speculate how things would have ended up but I know I wouldn't be here now...  Thanks dlg... you'll always be in my heart, even if I forget every once in a while.

Better Than Cupcakes

I am not a real sweet tooth kind of gal. But... every once in a while I crave a really good cupcake ya know? Or... a really awesome sugar cookie. As long as either is topped with almond buttercream frosting it really is like you are indulging on a piece of heaven. 

Well lately my mind has been indulging on a type of it's own cupcake. I am dreaming of a man whom I haven't met yet. He is brunette and has beautiful  eyes (yet to be determined) that pull you in from across the room. His hair looks like his just stepped out of bed and is slightly longer than his ears but not too much. His face is not shaved and has four days of 5 oclock shadows under his belt. Somehow it still looks incredibly attractive and what makes him even more appealing is the half smile he will smile that will melt my heart. His crumpled t-shirt and unwashed jeans should make me walk the other way but who is looking at his clothes? I'm hoping that his taste in music is superb and that he digs the Irish/folksy influenced stuff that has been spilling out of my speakers lately.

Yes... Yes... he has been in my dreams but I don't know who he is. Maybe if I actually socialized with the world instead of locking myself up in my room reading books and listening to music I would find him... 

In the words of Raquel Ramon... "Where the H is my hot man?!?!"

A Change of Heart?

I have been searching for the right words. 

So much has gone through my head in the past 7 days and I don't know how to explain it all.

You know how when you break a bone if you can get is set correctly it will heal back fine?

But if it starts healing wrong, sometimes the DR has to break it again, just so it will heal correctly.

Well... my heart was broken once but it healed fine. I think because I broke it myself so I knew how to put it back together. The last time it was broken, someone else did it. He was brutal and there were pieces strewn everywhere. I was too hurt to try and bring them back together and it never really healed. Or rather, it healed incorrectly.

I have been so closed off to everyone for the past year or two since that happened. He didn't deserve me thinking about him and since the day we last talked I haven't given him a passing notice in my thoughts until lately. And it seems in the past few days so many memories have come flooding back through dreams and other events that it has been painful. It is painful to think of the events that unfolded and slowly my heart has started to break again. The good news is that I know where the pieces go this time. I think it is healing. I am ready to attempt risking it again.

It took a lot for me to say that but I am glad I am possibly making a recovery.

Never Think by Rob Pattinson

I hesitate to share this.

Music tends to be a personal thing to me. I feel when people know my favorite songs they can then read into my soul, for the song will reveal it all.

This song is on the Twilight soundtrack.

And completely independent of the storyline, for the first time since I was 15,(& only the 2nd time in my life) a song of this nature caused tears to stream steadily down my face.

I won't relate what the lyrics remind me of but I will let you know that when I hear it my heart beats irregularly and I feel as it is about to break.

Even with that being said I almost can't get enough.

Never Think by Rob Pattinson

Dear Twilight Lovers,

I get it. 


xoxo


MandiScandal

McKensie Naomi

This girl turned 21 recently. For her birthday I took her out to eat... just me and her. We used to spend so much time together and ever since she met her stinky husband all she does is spend time with him! Well, I adore him and they make a great couple but I needed some time... just me and her. We went to Oasis Cafe and got to just talk like we have spent so many days and nights before doing. It was awesome and I felt like it was MY birthday because really spending time with her is a gift to me. Anyway... it was pretty fun. I decided since I wasn't really doing anything big to just play a game. I blind folded her and drove her downtown. 

She wasn't really a fan of the blindfold and she kind of was getting testy after about ten minutes in it but luckily we were around the corner from the resturant. I ordered virgin Bloody Mary's because she doesn't drink either but it was fun to just celebrate, eat, and have fun. The staff even brought her dessert! It was a great time