DLG

This picture was taken July of 2004.  Bonnie just tagged me in it earlier today and I have spent quite a bit of time today thinking about it.  Can't find me? Start at the  Top row... guy in red shirt on the right hand side. underneath him is a guy in a cap and grey shirt leaning on a girl that would be ME)

You can't tell from the picture but I was going through one of the worst times in my life. I was away from my fiance for a mere 14 days.  About two days into it, unexpectedly, while with this group of people, I called him and told him I didn't want to marry him anymore. I knew what I was feeling was right, but it came as such a shock.  

Five years later this is still such a shock to me. I didn't know I would make that decision until I made it. No one knows the whole story and I don't know if I will ever tell it. No, I never cheated. Some know most of the story but NO ONE knows what was the straw that broke tha camels back. Some things just stay special when kept to yourself, and it's fun to think back on it and smirk. I love that memory even though it was followed by months of pain and heartache. Well... needless to say.... it was a hard week. I had to do my best at putting on a smile and functioning as a normal person and a leader to the teenage kids at this conference. (This is a picture of all the counselors) 

Well, DLG, the kid in top right corner, in the blue with a girl on his back.... made the difference those 14 days when we had the rare opportunity to talk.  There are several things I remember but I will only share one. It was a Saturday, just  a few days after the break up and the kids were headed home which meant we as counselors were free for the day!!! DLG, JG, BH, JJ, and some girl who I don't remembers name ...Chelsea? I'm wanting to say??? decided to go cliff diving. We all piled into DLG's famous green Isuzu Rodeo and headed off onto our adventure. Well, we were playing and having a good time and my ex decided to call. I of course answered the phone for who knows what reason. I don't exactly remember the call but I remember for the first time in a year and a half of dating he was not nice. Not only was he not nice, he was downright mean. (to be halfway expected but this kid doesn't really have a mean bone in his body) Well DLG kept eyeing me in his rearview mirror as I "mmm hmmmed" "i'm sorry" and "yeah"d in his back seat. I did a pretty good job but as the 3rd summer at this conference I think everyone in the car took my silence as a bad sign. They knew me to be loud, and obnoxious, and talkative.  I can still remember heading North on whatever interstate that is next to Trinity University in San Antonio and seeing him not look at the road at all. He stared right into the rearview mirror and looked at me and said "Mandi, you are going to have fun today if I have to see to it myself."

And that's just the type of guy he was. We were decent friends for only spending 14 days a year together. We had nicknames but really, I was no one special...he was just that great of a guy that he would do anything to make anyone happy. He made sure I didn't think of my ex once that day. He had such endearing qualities. I swear... the more I think about him the more I love him.  

That was kind of it... The last hoorah. The next Saturday he was off to another state to be a counselor somewhere else and we lost touch. We weren't great friends and facebook and myspace weren't really what they are now... I think there was an email or two but that's it.  I heard through the grapevine a year or two later that he met a cute girl and got married. Just three short months after the announcement of his marriage I got an email informing me of his tragic death. It was a late night car accident just days after Christmas in which he was the passenger.  I believe his was the only fatality. I had to drive that stretch of road once when driving to Colorado. I was sick with grief the whole time. I understood why the accident happened and cringed everytime I saw a marker, wondering if it represented him...wishing I could go back in time and save him. He deserved to have a wife, and children..he would have been the best dad.

I'm rambling.  I just... I can't believe it. 4 years later and I still can't believe it. I am sure you could scour the globe and you would only find people like me, better off because they brushed paths with him once for a brief amount of time. 

All I know if that If I had never met DLG, or if I wouldn't have interacted with him that week...I don't know if I would have had the strength to NOT BE amanda bess bradshaw. I know I wouldn't have had the strength to go on that week. He silently lifted me and my spirits without even trying to. I can't speculate how things would have ended up but I know I wouldn't be here now...  Thanks dlg... you'll always be in my heart, even if I forget every once in a while.