Merci. Gracias, Thank You... Continued

I would like to continue my post from last week. I continued my service experiment this week though not nearly at the same pace as the week before and I thought a ton about all the events that went down during my trial week and this is what I concluded.

Thursday afternoon I needed to run some paperwork to a client a few blocks away. I grabbed the paperwork and headed out on my walk. I have been trying not to use my ipod as much lately so that I could really focus on more things and have mediation time I suppose. I got distracted by a large line at the corner taco stand. It was across the street. I kept walking to my destination but now decided I really wanted some tacos! On my way back I made my way over and the line was completely gone. There was just one man ahead of me. I had a nice new crisp five dollar bill and I was going to order two tacos at $1 a piece. He had ordered $3. I decided I would pay for his lunch. He beat me to it. He approached me and said very timidly, " A really nice person I had never met came up to me the other day and said they wanted to buy my lunch. I had no clue who they are and I don't think I will ever see them again. I told them I would let them buy my lunch but that I would do it in return. May I please buy your lunch?"

I was flabbergasted. I think I took a step back. I had no clue what to think. And then I grinned from ear to ear. That is what service is all about! A two dollar lunch bought me a fantastic day! As I walked back to the office eating my amazing mexican style tacos I finally realized that is what it is all about. You have no clue the effect you have on people or what doing service for them will cause them to in turn do for other people.

Let me take a step back here and kind of explain the reasoning behind this all. I had been having a crummy crummy week. Everyday was a pity party, "woe is me my life is not going the way I want it to so I am going to say it is terrible" type week. Everyday I was pretending everything was great and smiling and saying life was great but inside I felt horrible and I felt I was quickly losing the battle and that I wouldn't be able to fake it any longer. I decided that I needed to lose myself in the service of others if I wanted to remember that I am not the only one having a bad day. I felt if maybe I couldn't make my own day better maybe I would gain satisfaction by making someone else's day better. However, people who were having crummy days were still feeling just as crummy afterwards or being mean or angry or whatever and those who weren't having bad days just didn't acknowledge me. I felt I was failing at my project. I couldn't even give SERVICE right. All I wanted was to know I made a difference. I wanted to know I helped one person and I felt at the time that I didn't succeed at that.

And then I thought about all of my friends who have served religious missions for their church and instead of one week gave two YEARS of their lives. Many of them felt the same way. Two years and not one baptism... or maybe only one. That is a long time to give of yourself and your time to not have made an impact... but then they find out years later that one person made a difference in many other people's lives and those people made a difference in even more lives.... and before you know it hundreds or thousands of people have been affected by your one act.

And while it is disheartening to feel you never made an impact on someone the joy should be in the service (not in hearing a thank you- though I guess I equated "thank you" with having helped them). Have faith they will turn around and serve someone too... and keep your faith in humanity. There is beauty everywhere.