Quick Thoughts

I seriously have so much I want to write but I haven't been home for more than thirty minutes since ...last Thursday? I don't know. Something crazy like that. Talking to a friend tonight he for some reason brought up being jaded. I really want to expound more on this topic but this is what it made me think of

1) I miss Jade like crazy. You have no clue. I live for her weekly letters proclaiming her love for me. 2015 baby! E-mails are great too but in her letters she is more herself. A year and a half to wait for a girl to come home from a mission seems like ETERNITY.... eight months down ten to go!!! It gets closer everyday.

2) I have spent the past four years of my life jaded. I just don't know what I would do if I weren't. I don't even want to think about it. I have tried giving up the bitterness and hating guys... it just doesn't work. Don't get me wrong they are GREAT as friends...

Euphoria

That can adequately describe how I am currently feeling. I love when school starts again because it means everyone comes home for the summer. Tonight was seriously one of the best nights I have had in a LONG time. I saw so many good friends. My heart was truly happy. I think I even proposed to about 15 different people because seeing them made me want to see them everyday for the rest of my life. My friends are worth their weight in Gold. I love them.

Confessions of a 23 year old tired girl

I am exhausted. I was at a friends house and drove home fully intending to immediately crawl into my soft, cool sheets and pass out from exhaustion. Instead I got several texts back to back and I pulled into my garage and walked up the stairs and decided to check Google reader before bed. There was a post of a cartoon on a somewhat negative aspect of my religion. The blog said everything in it was true according to my religion so I decided to watch all seven minutes. Needless to say that was the furthest statement from the truth, I am a little more awake and decided to blog since I was already signed in.

My sheets await me so this might be short. I had quite possibly the worst day of my life Wednesday night/Thursday. I don't want to go into detail. It was just awful. I have never felt so scared and upset and helpless and not in control and... a million other feelings. As I was trying to deal with the situation at hand and as tears are softly streaming down my face I immediately wanted a particular person to be with me in that situation. I felt if that person was there everything would be better. And for a moment, the situation at hand was put on pause because I had shocked even myself with this thought. I quickly snapped into reality but that thought has been haunting me since. I knew I was fond of this person I just didn't know how much.

I will continue to pull myself away. I do it with everyone, everytime. I am too afraid to get hurt again, I am too afraid to be rejected. Ultimately, that is what happens and I would rather pass on that.

Sleep anyone?

A Variation In Themes

This is a variation of blog of the month. It is my blog and I can break the rules if I want. Some of you may remember THIS blog where I talked about the great day I had with the Smith family. Well, yesterday was another one of those days and it really was the highlight of my week. I hadn't seen McKensie in a few weeks and when you spend most days with someone and then don't see them for a while it can seem like ETERNITY. It doesn't help that she is head over heels for a boy and is spending increasing amounts of time with him! Agh! I hate when my friends phase me out of their life for boys they will probably end up marrying...but I digress. I was glad to get to lay on her patio again and talk about life and boys and church and our plans for the future. As I talked to her again this morning she said as her and her boyfriend talked last night about things they were grateful for she listed me, and good friends. I in turn would like to list HER in my things I am grateful for list.

I moved to Utah because I had no friends or family here and wanted to meet new people. The fact that I am shy at first didn't work too well for me. I spent most days holed up in my on campus brick slab of an apartment on the internet talking to friends from back home and my boyfriend in Maryland. I didn't do many outside activities and while I met people I did not feel confident enough to put myself in their lives. I felt uncomfortable. My life continued that way for about seven months until one day I got a call from McKensie. She told me she was going to have a birthday dinner and that she wanted me there. What?!? My first real invitation to hang out with someone other than roommates? Did she call the right person? I barely KNEW the girl! Well... that my friends was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. From that day forward we spent a lot more time together.

If you reference back to that post, that was the first time I had spent all day with her family. For the past year and a half I have spent many nights over there and many consecutive days. Fall semester of '07 I basically lived there. I never spent much time with her family though. We stayed in her room and talked and lurked about the house at odd hours. Since posting that blog I spent the majority of the Sundays over at her house after church and until dinner and I feel just as comfortable being sarcastic with her family as I would be with mine. Her older brothers have never for a second treated me like anyone other than family and I believe it has everything to do with the way SHE treats me. She invites me to family events and always makes me feel welcome. ALWAYS. One kid asked us if we were best friends. I have thought a lot about that question in the months since it was asked. She is more than that to me. She is family. I tell her everything. I know that I may make her mad or she will make me mad but at the end of the day it doesn't matter because we will never stop talking to each other. Families are forever and so is our friendship.

I love you Kens! You gave me the courage to be myself here in Utah. The Scandal would never have come to light if you hadn't helped! You are beautiful, talented, an amazing resource, have an awesome laugh, and the greatest ability to be a friend. You seriously are so amazing and I hope you don't EVER forget how much I cherish you in my life!

Lost in Translation

I have had Citizen Cope's Let The Drummer Kick in my head for the past month at least. I don't know if it is the repetitiveness or the steady beat that speaks to my heart or what but there it is, automatically on play in my mind whenever there is a down moment. As I looked it up on youtube today I was surprised at how many different ways it was interpreted and I feel that is how it is with my words lately. I say one thing and it is interpreted five hundred different ways. It makes me feel out of control of my own thoughts and feelings because if they cannot be communicated effectively then what is it worth? Enjoy.

I Come From A Long Line Of Love

Last post for the night. ( I have barely posted the past month and then I post three times in one night?!?) My friend Samantha asked me to go to her friend's reception tonight with her because we were supposed to hang out. On our way out I was looking at the pictures and there was a poem. Tears streamed down my face as I read it. I was a little surprised because I don't normally get that emotional when I read stuff. I guess it has a lot more meaning to me but I thought I would share it with you. I googled it just now and it appears it is actually lyrics to a song by Michael Martin Murphey. Enjoy.

A LONG LINE OF LOVE
Bought a beautiful diamond ring,
Offered it to the sweetest thing, I know,
And she said she would take it!
Started making some wedding plans,
She looked at me and she took my hand, and said,
Are you sure we can make it?

I said, My granddad’s still in love with my grandma, I said,
My dad still thinks my mom’s the sweetest things, he ever saw
I come from a long line of love,
When the times get hard, we don’t give up.
Forever’s in my heart and in my blood,
You see, I come from a long line of love.

Years went by and we had a son.
Now he thinks that he’s found someone, for him,
And they’re planning a wedding.
He called me up on the phone today,
Just to see what I had to say, to him,
Did I think he was ready …

I said what his grandfather used to say to me,
It’s been handed down for ages,
It runs in the family
You come from a long line of love
When things get hard, we don’t give up.
Forever’s in my heart and in my blood,
Son, you come from a long line of love.
We come from a long line of love.

I am a Centrist....no suprise there

So... One of my sister's friends found my blog. I decided to check hers out. She surprisingly (to me) has a lot of political stuff on her blog (read... I might have found August's Blog of the month because we all know I love me some controversy!) . I guess it should be surprising because she is now 22 ( my sister likes to deduct quite a few years from her age and her and Michelle are the same age... so 22 it is...) and I don't think I have seen her since she was about 16 or 17. Anyway, she had this quiz on there. I pretty much knew where I stood but I decided to take the test anyway. I thought it would take forever but it is only like 6 or so questions and took about 15 seconds if that. I really think it fits me to a T. We all know I hate blanket statements, the two party system and I absolutely LOATHE both presidential candidates. If it weren't for the fact I greatly value my ability to vote ( only Heaven knows why because seriously with this system your vote means crap....but still) I would not vote at all. Will I vote? Yes. Do I already know for who? I am pretty sure but like this quiz says it depends. I still want to hear all the debates but seriously.......SERIOUSLY? Of all the people that live in this great country these were the two we picked to represent us? This is an absolute JOKE. Anywho... In case you wanted to know my political views.... here they are in a nutshell. I am a centrist. Forget the nut job liberals.. forget the closed minded conservatives.... making your decisions based on the issue is the only way to go! To take the quiz just click here.

Your PERSONAL issues Score is 50%.
Your ECONOMIC issues Score is 40%.
(Scores falling on the Centrist border are counted as Centrist.)

According to your answers,

the political group that
agrees with you most is...

.

CENTRISTS espouse a "middle ground" regarding government control of the economy and personal behavior. Depending on the issue, they sometimes favor government intervention and sometimes support individual freedom of choice.

Centrists pride themselves on keeping an open mind,

tend to oppose "political extremes," and emphasize what

they describe as "practical" solutions to problems.

Batman

I may or may not have been linked to Batman several times in my past. If it isn't my brother convinced that I am actually Batman or friends telling me I am dating Batman, know Batman, should be Batman's sidekick....whatever.... he is around a LOT in my life.

And now... I move into a new place and what do I see on the wireless network?



Yes. That's right. Batman is my neighbor! Or... is that me?

Note** If you click on the picture it will enlarge it and you can better read BATMAN. Otherwise it just looks really blurry.

Randomness

Two recent thoughts without expounding on either one of them....

1) I absolutely love the Ensign. It is by far the highlight of each month. The articles in there are either completely ridiculous or amazing. Either way they bring happiness into my life.

2) I have kind of been feeling like the fat kid in dodge ball lately. The one that gets picked last and gets out first. I just can't seem to win.

Shooting the Tube & The Kalai Concert

Because I haven't posted pictures in a while.


My friends and I were going to go shoot the tube this morning. We were supposed to meet at 10am. When I got there at 10:15 no one was up there so I figured they had already hiked down to the tube. I went down there and no one was there either. I ran into some kids who asked if I was looking for my man to kill him. ( it is basically in the middle of nowhere) Nope. Well are you taking pictures for school? Nope, not that either. Then I decided to actually take pictures once they left.

Here is the concept. There is a place where the runoff from the mountain goes through a tube under a freeway. You can dam up the tube and when you take remove the dam you get a lot of water gushing your way. Kind of like a ghetto do it yourself water park. It is extremely fun. Here are some pictures I took with the grafitti before everyone finally showed up. ( I kind of thought I got punked at first to go hang out by myself.)

With the Graffiti.

The front of the tube damned up.


The tube. The light at the end is where you end up.

Getting ready to let the boards go.

Two of my loves. Miles & Wyatt Petty.

My Sister Marie & I.

Effects of Affects: July's Blog of the Month

OK. After much deliberation yet AGAIN about who would receive this month's Blog of the Month I have made a decision. I know I haven't posted much lately but I just am not too ready to talk yet. However I have been reading your blogs diligently and we all know I LIVE for google reader. I know this has come to be a competitive thing but this month's blog goes to Effects of Affects. AKA my dear friend David Robert K.



I really enjoy reading Dave's blogs when he posts. Dave is an interesting guy to say the least. There is absolutely nothing normal about him ( and Dave I hope you know from me that is a compliment). He isn't your cookie cutter kid. Unless your cookie cutter is about 6'6, talks a TON, and is pretty liberal. Sometimes I feel like he is a contrarian and will argue just for the sake of arguing but really he sticks to his guns. He thinks outside the box and has fantastic thoughts. I don't always agree, in fact I hardly ever agree, but I could really sit and listen to him talk for hours or days or weeks or whatever.... as long as it isn't the same subject all the time. Not many people portray the passion he does when he speaks. His blogs could be different if you don't really know him but they are always ALWAYS a great read.

So thanks Dave for blogging and I hope you guys will check him out.