Could It Be?

Could this really be lucky post 100?

Well now I feel obligated to post something deserving of post #100.

I can't think of anything.

Alas, I will just do what I came here to do.

I have decided I have many gifts & talents.

I think too often we try to demean ourselves or not give ourselves enough credit. Something I decided long ago was to actually ACCEPT a compliment. When a cute guy tells you that you look pretty don't go on to explain how wretchedly gross you look. NO. He obviously thought you were pretty and secondly he thought enough and had enough guts to say it out loud. Don't contradict his opinion... say THANK YOU. Do it with a smile even. I can often be found halfway doing this lately. Someone will tell me how gorgeous I look and I will be like "eww sick. I FEEL gross but THANK YOU so much! I really appreciate it!" I mean seriously... who doesn't like a compliment ESPECIALLY when you feel you look gross? I like to think of this as a talent I have developed recently.

I also think I am a great friend, a decent cook, a dependable person, a devoted and monogamous girlfriend (not currently but whenever I date), a lover of words, a great employee and co-worker, a great conversationalist over the phone, an intelligent human being, and lots lots more.

Do you want to know what my best talent is though? Procrastinating!

HaHa. Of all my talents I think procrastinating (mostly only when it comes to school- which is exactly what I am doing now) is my best! I don't normally procrastinate in day to day events; just studying. I have spent the past three hours on other people's blogs. It has made me think about why we love to read the intimate thoughts of others so much. I mean this is not a new concept. The Diary of Anne Frank, Zlata's Diary, & Go Ask Alice were three of my favorite "books" growing up. In my seventh grade reading class with Ms. VanHorn I remember my peers doing their book readings on some pointless fiction book. Leave it to me to read from the diary of a drug addict; I floored her and got an A. Well, both flooring Ms. VanHorn and receiving an A were two very easily attainable goals back in 7th grade. I don't know that I made a B on anything until High School and even then it was rare.

I suppose a blog is a more convenient way, a more twenty-first century way to read into the trials and turmoils of other people's lives. I feel it makes us (or at least me) feel validated and not alone in my quiet suffering. It can also make me keep hoping for the perfect ending to my own story. It can make me realize the blessings I have in my life. It can also be just an update on a friend's life, but for one blog, it is an encouragement to keep moving along. I mean don't get me wrong my life is AWESOME. I have some many great things in my life if I even tried to list them all I would die before I finished writing them all. Little things are great as well. In spite of the most awful day in MandiScandal history on Thursday, March 24, 2008 I am also now grateful for things such as money in my bank account for unexpected things such as a broken car and shopping sprees. I am grateful for a working phone (it temporarily broke Thursday night) and the Rockets winning a game against the Jazz Thursday night. I am grateful for an upcoming visit from my brother and my parents and one of my sisters for my graduation to name a few. However, even though there are great things in life it still leaves me with the inner debate about where I stand in my life.

I am constantly debating about my life. Should I pick up and move to Europe for a year? Should I join the military, take those pilot classes I have always wanted? Should I go against almost everything I stand for and become unpredictable and impulsive? Should I go against the known and release all of my fears that keep me back? Should I ask a cute boy out just because I can (also something that goes against every moral of my being!)? I mean this blog is about LIVING DELIBERATELY right? I fight myself about this issue almost everyday, and I think so do many other people. I mean, click one of the names to the right of my blog and you will see the blogs of many of my friends who have the perfect life. They are gorgeous, smart, educated, married to the perfect man. They will have 3.2 children and be in the most ideal marriage. They will have the huge house with the white picketed fence and will have the most adorable dog that sits in the window and their Christmas cards will be so cute it will make you want to puke. I know that exists in this world. People DO get their story tale.

But so many of us don't. So many of us are beaten and broken and we go through trials and we are holding on to the edge of the cliff by our fingertips hoping and praying everyday that we have enough courage & strength to keep holding on. I think the challenge is to keep smiling when you are hanging there looking at the scenery around you and you realize that unless you were barely holding on you would have never stopped to look at everything from that view. Even if we fall the joy would be to gather all the pieces we broke into and give someone those pieces and hope they can help make you whole again.

Lyrics can fit into this blog category as well. They are the inner feelings of people expressed with music. Blogs & lyrics, a saving grace for me to not feel alone in this world. It makes me feel OK to have a bad day or to have a smile on my face but to feel crappy inside. I am not alone and neither are you.

This is my talent. Procrastination.