Happy New Year

Happy New Year. For the new year I would like to give you all the gift of my ramblings. I do apologize but I could not post for the 11 days I was in Texas and now I am catching up.

I really have a hard time leaving.

I have never really enjoyed New Years Eve. As much as I honestly love my life, I don't believe that I have done enough. New Years Eve is hard because I feel like I am leaving so much behind. I feel as if there was so much I could have done that I didn't do and wonder if the new year will bring about the same disappointments. I wonder what will be different at the end of 2008. At least one accomplishment I will be able to boast is my degree at the end of this year. Other than that, I don't know what else. Same job, still not married ( that might be an accomplishment in itself) these are all things I perceive will still be the same in 12 months.

Leaving Houston was surprisingly easy for me this time. I was in quiet awe that I did not feel any emotion leaving. In the past I have been excited to leave, but when the time came it literally broke my heart to leave so much of the unknown behind. (What if I stayed in Houston... how would life be different? Is going back the right thing? I am so sad to leave.... ) These are all thoughts that usually run through my mind.

Last night, as I sat in my window seat (7D of Sky West - a Delta connection) leaving George Bush Intercontinental at 6:45, half an hour past scheduled due to heavy traffic leaving -surprising because there was NO ONE in the airport- I got excited for take off. I love taking off & I love turbulence. Without these things it would not be any different than a bus ride. So the plane heads down the runway and I see tons of blue lights that turn into a blur because we are not going faster and faster and then whoosh, with a single moment we are lifted into the air and as we rise higher and higher above Houston I looked down with utter disgust. I had no feeling but bitter feelings. "I hope you choke in your nasty polluted air sleep Houston." " I hope you realize I don't miss you." Why such hate? This to a beautiful metropolitan city who has housed me for 22 years. Who kept my secrets, who embarked on journeys with me. Who filled me with joy by providing entertainment of the highest quality. Who loved me unconditionally and let me call it home. Now I feel I have betrayed it. Salt Lake is now the keeper of my secrets. I have better adventures, and funnier journeys. I call Salt Lake Home... because I feel Houston no longer has a place in it's heart for me.

While visiting friends and family was nice... it was obvious I don't belong there anymore. Salt Lake took me in as a refuge, and now calls me family. This is where I belong.